I don't really have anything to post about so I'm going to tell you a story.

( Once upon a time . . . )



*means 'bad luck.'  I really like today's phrase.  (I know, I know, it's 'cause it's about food.  What can I say?!  I'm hopeless when it comes to food.  Hey, a girl's got to eat or she'll end up on the streets!  ha! ha! okaysorry.)

Campaign stats: 11 down, 90 to go.

Because, really, I'm sure by now you're all like, "Man alive*!  I wish Kate would just stop posting her ridiculous exploits on LJ, she's only embarrassing herself horribly."

And I agree.  So I'm sorry (mostly for myself, because I actually had to live it, but also for all of you, who have to read it . . . yes, you do have to read it, I'm forcing it on you, MWAHAHA.) for the experience I'm about to relay to you.

( In which Blissfully Ignorant Kate makes a reappearance, Twilight gets dissed, and I kinda sorta get kicked out of Borders )...


(JSYK, Borders is waaay closer to my house than B&N.  Ughhh.)

So, yeah.  I'm going with the whole family (ugh) to this party at my dad's friend's farm.  ...?  Ooookaaay.  I think it's some friend from work.  'Cause I've never met any farm-owning friend before.

Until next time.  (When I'm sure I'll have some story about how I fell off the hayride wagon or something.)


*Campaign stats: 10 down, 91 to go.

Tagged by two insane folks who call themselves always_tete and reader_meg (Ooh, I just figured out how to do that thing where you link the person's LJ name!  GO KATE!)

(Yes, I realize you all probably knew how to do that since forever, I DON'T CARE DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE.)

The rules are: Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 12 weird random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 5 people to be tagged.

( Meme! )
Who do I tag?  Hmmmm...I'll try to do people I don't think have gotten this yet:
shortiesunited</lj> ,
smilesrlove</lj> ,
floraissome</lj> ,
theatrelvr08</lj> ,
andlibba_bray</lj>  (HAHAH I think I need more friends...)

(That people-linking-thingy is sooo useful and convenient, I'm going to use it in like all my entries from now on.  HEE WATCH OUT FLISTERS!)

Lalala...      I say!*  It's a good thing I remembered to campaign for jolly good english in this entry!



*Campaign stats: 9 down, 92 to go

1. By jingo*, I think all DBQs should die.


*Campaign stats: 8 down, 93 to go

Life sucks . . . and then you die.

I'm so depressed.
This past week has been horrible.

I never thought I'd say this, but I think I finally understand what it's like to live in a Gossip Girl universe and it totally sucks.

By jove*, drama is never as fun as it sounds.

 . . . depressed.

(October's gotten off to a great start, hasn't it?)


*Campaign stats: 7 down, 94 to go

Dear aliens,

You are sick, sick creatures and you obviously need a new hobby besides torturing me. 

Love,
Kate

P.S. Your whole plot to keep people unaware of you and your evil ongoings is FAILING, because the storyline you're beaming into my head at present is SO EFFING RIDICULOUS that I, even in my current state, realize that it can't really be my life. 

IT CAN'T.
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT.

After my uber-long absence, I am back with NEWS NEWS NEWS.

It would probably be impossible to remember everything that has happened recently (and there has been a lot), so here's a few highlights:

( The Effed-up life of Newly Aware Kate )
GEE WHIZ, I adore my life!

*Campaign stats: 6 down, 95 to go.

You know your life is a joke when your most frequently-used LJ tag is "my life is a joke."

!! I can now no longer access anyone's livejournal from my computer, including my own.  That's why I haven't been on at all recently.  I know, major suckishness going on right now, right?

I don't know when I'll be able to get to this other computer to post more or even when I'll post my next GD4 video, so here's Grace's challenge for all of us: to rewrite Fee's ghost story.

( Read here por favor 'cause I won't be reading it all on youtube, it'll take too long. )</div>
Hope you enjoyed it!  (Oh, and I also hope I didn't make any Twilight fans mad.)
The Gemma Doyle trilogy is awesome and everyone should read it NOW.  (Even if you already have.)

So who knows when I'll be on LJ next, but you can always contact me through e-mail if necessary (or if you just want to) - xoxokatie@hotmail.com

(It's rained nonstop here for so many days, I've lost count.)
(But unlike SOME people/fictional characters, I like the rain, so the current weather doesn't upset me or make me whine at all.)
:D

This week is uber-hectic for me because, well, here is my schedule:

MANIC MONDAY:
- school (Today E.T.O.A.M. said she was picking me up at a little before 4, but she didn't get there until after 5 because her meeting ran late.  Ugh.)
- SO.  MUCH.  HOMEWORK.
- dance class

TIPSY TUESDAY:
- school
- activity fair at school (I have to represent like four clubs . . . at the same time . . . ?)
- dance class

WACKY WEDNESDAY:
- school
- Audition!  For the musical!  I haven't even really practiced my song yet!  !!!

Callbacks are on Thursday, etc, etc.

And this week I just happen to have looooads of homework for some reason.  I mean, I always do, but especially loads of homework due Tuesday and/or Wednesday and/or Thursday.

WHY ME.  WHY MY LIFE.

(That is a question I ask myself each and every day.)

The only happy part really is that YAY my birthday's tomorrow.  Isn't it funny how when we were little birthdays were such a huge deal?  And we spent months anticipating them?  And now, about a week before, you're like, "Oh, yeah, that is coming up, huh."  I mean, it's only 15 . . . nothing exciting like 13 or 16 or 18 or 21 or anything.  (Next year on my 16th birthday it'll be 09/09/09!  Uber-cool!)  I guess I'll post what I got later, but it won't be anything attention-worthy, so far I haven't gotten anything too exciting. 

Oh MERLIN I sound like SUCH a Bella (haha - Celeste); I'm not usually such a pessimistic downer, PROMISE.

And OH GOD yesterday was my family party which was smaller than usual this year, just my aunt/uncle/cousins and grandparents and obviously my lovely family, but oh my it was torture.  Family gatherings are basically never fun, as I'm sure most of you know.  This one was just ugh..  I got about five new bruises/scrapes from Kev (my brother) and had to listen to my grandma tell me how she wants my sister and I to become nuns and my brother to become a priest.  That should give you an idea of the general theme of the evening.

(a.k.a. SUCKISH OVERALL)

( An explanation of my odd grandparents (as aforementioned, it's all in the DNA) )
Wow, so, if you read that bit of Kate's Family History, dash it all*, you must be either
a) bored
b) a history buff
c) an insanity buff
d) all of the above
e) none of the above, you're just awesome and think I'm pretty cool (or are just humoring me 'cause tomorrow's my birthday)

(I think the former as well.)

Er, so, yeah, LOADS to do for the GD4.  FIVE CHALLENGES GOOD LORD PEOPLE ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME.

(Although I did procrastinate a bit.)

Which reminds me -- homework!

KATE: *sob*


*today's word (#5) in the Campaign for Jolly Good English.  I sort of guessed at the context in which to use it, too stressed/tired/indifferent to care.

Campaign stats: 5 down, 96 to go!

ETA: Celeste for some reason my computer is blocking your livejournal?!  It's this software my dad has to block sites that are in certain categories, and the categories Social/Networking and Society/Lifestyles are in the defaults to block, and I can get to everyone else's LJ but yours.  so I can't comment.  (*commence Bella-level - well, not quite Bella-level - whining*)

STRESS CONSUMES ME.

(Stop eating me, Loch Stress Monster!)

Yeah, because, it was getting a little weird.

So, gosh*, I'm so glad it's Friday.  I swear that this past week has been one of the longest schoolweeks of my life . . . and it was only four days!  Honestly, this year I have so much work it's probably illegal (child labor laws and all, you know).

Today in school Colonel Psycho (see previous entry) gave us a speech about patriotism and some Code of Honor.  It must be a Marines thing.  Really, I often wonder, does he even realize he is, as a matter of fact, teaching teenage girls how to write MLA-regulated papers and not training new recruits for battle?

I'm thinkin' not.

Which is sort of scary, when you really consider it.

Oh, and I've also been wondering why CRL is a math teacher.  For example, yesterday, she drew a coordinate plane where the point (-3, -6) was in Quadrant I.  How is that even possible? . . . It's not.  And, later, she was writing instructions on the board for how to do this one procedure on our calculators, and her steps went Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 5.  THERE WAS NO STEP FOUR!  Really, aliens, I know you get a sadistic pleasure out of watching me squirm, but I can't function without a step four.  It's just not logical.  And, also, she writes her letters upside down or something.  Unless I've been wrong my whole life and the variable for slope is actually a 'w' and not an 'm.'

y=wx+b?

. . . and now that my Tales of Tyrannical and Tottering Teachers are out of the way, it's time for . . . ANECDOTES WITH KATE!

(You know you've missed them.)

( ANECDOTE #1: American Literary Greats, E.T.O.A.M., and Me; Or Why Insane Women Should Enter Asylums before It's Too Late )
( ANECDOTE #2: ...Because, Like, All the Hot Guys Hang out in the Library )
Speaking of ganstas, I found this superawesome site called gangstaname.com.  It has all these name generators for gangsta, mafia, cab driver, Mexian wrestler, etc.

Here are some notable names and their gangsta-name translations:
Kate --> Fried Green Hob-Nobba
James --> Masta Bitch
James Potter --> Swingin Dong Hob-Nobba
Lily Evans --> Rotten Crack Smoka (HA!  Take that Lily!)
Harry Potter --> Old Fool Rot Sloth
Gemma Doyle --> Secret Prison Fish

Let me know your gangsta names! 

Oh, and from now on, all must refer to me as Fried Green Hob-Nobba.  Got that?


*this entry's word (#4) in the Campaign for Jolly Good English.  Meaning fairly straightforward.

(Campaign stats: 4 down, 97 to go)

ETA: Oh, and I have a new favorite (or one of my favorites, I guess, I have a few) author . . . Maureen Johnson!  I read 13 Little Blue Envelopes and I saw a couple of her blog entries, and, well, the blog was funnier but they were both hilarious and obviously her youtube vids are hilarious and basically she's just awesome.  Check out maureenjohnson.blogspot.com for more MJ!

My house smells of quiche.

Quite strongly.

In fact, I woke up this morning and thought, hmm, my house smells of odd bakery.  And I went downstairs and saw a recipe for quiche and various cooking ingredients out on the counter and realized, oh, yes, e.t.o.a.m. did say she was going to make a quiche.  You see, my parents and my brother have gone to my brother's best friend's (this best friend, Michael, is practically a member of my own family, anyway, if you recall that from a previous entry) house for a brunch and then to a baseball game.  Now, Mach (my sister) and I were not invited to this little brunch-and-baseball-outing, but, you know how it goes: when your own family treats you as a social outcast, that's when you know that things are bad or that you are in an alien-induced coma and your "life" is actually not real and just being beamed into your brain by those aliens. 

Those aliens have one wacky sense of humor, let me tell you.

Like on Friday, my family, my best friend Fleur the Toerag (name has been changed for security reasons or just because I felt like it . . . all right, it's the latter), and I went to an Oktoberfest (in August, of course) and watched little children (and not-so-little, as in, people of all - and I mean all - ages) frolic about in leiderhosen to techno polka tunes while waving light sabers and doing the hula with wiener dogs.

Er, don't ask.

(By the way, I swear I'm not making this stuff up.  Everything in this journal is, sadly, 100% true.  I learned my lesson about telling lies after reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, you know.)

More Random Facts!
01. I have just started reading John Green's An Abundance of Katherines, regardless of the fact that I have other frightfully fascinating books such as America in 1750: A Social Portrait and Programming in Visual Basic 6.0 that I should be reading for school.
02. I have discovered that, when stressed, Enya is quite soothing, if you don't mind feeling like you have been transported to a strange coven where people chant ancient spells and random balderdash*.  Really, I've listened to Enya's Caribbean Blue way too many times this past week (which has, obviously, been stressful).

Which brings me to ( The Interesting and Slightly (All Right, More Than Slightly) Odd Start to My Sophomore Year of Prison High School! )

Well, I've definitely procrastinated badly my first weekend since school started (I have loads of homework this weekend - from those four classes plus my online Art and Gym {see previous entry}), which I vow to stop doing now.  But, you know, I don't have school tomorrow (thank god for laborers!), so I have time. . . right?  (That's the motto of every procrastinator.  If you have ever thought that join my army!  We have cupcakes and cool T-shirts!  {see my last entry for more info about my Army of Expert Procrastinators }.)

Oh, and I'd just like to share with you all this disturbing fact: a couple hours ago I walked downstairs and found my thirteen-year-old sister watching a Bratz movie on Nickelodeon (yes, I know, it's a shock that she wasn't watching Disney Channel.  I was shocked as well.  But I discovered that they were showing Holes on DC, and, you know, that's stupid, compared to the Jonas Brothers and Wizards of Waverly Place and, lyk, omg, camp rock!!111!).  And this wasn't even the real people Bratz movie that came out last year (I was forced to watch it - I definitely lost about fifty brain cells).  It was animated. 

Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen animated Bratz dolls sing and dance and design TOTALLY HAWT clothes in a full-length film on your TV screen.



*this entry's word (#3) in The Campaign for Jolly Good English.  I looked up what the meaning of 'balderdash' is on Google and WordNet from Princeton told me that it means "fiddle-faddle, piffle, trivial nonsense."  I like today's word (and I love the game Balderdash, I'm good at it, I have this talent for making up definitions to weirdo words).

(Campaign stats: 3 down, 98 to go.)

It's true, I swear, thetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth.

I have known this sad little fact for awhile now.  It's like an addiction.

I had thought I could stop . . . I told myself I WOULD indeed stop . . . but alas - to no avail!

I.  Cannot.  Stop.  Procrastinating.

Honestly, I should really just sit out by the mailbox and wait for my 'Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow' T-shirts to come in (I mentioned those in a previous entry, I think?).  I'll have ordered them in bulk, because a hardcore procrastinator like me should really wear nothing but those shirts.  It's really all I ever do with my time.

Case in point:
School hasn't even officially started for me yet!  (I've just had orientation, which was on Friday.)  But already I'm procrastinating.  See, I'm taking these online courses (one in gym - yes, I know, feel free to snicker, because, really, online gym?  online gym?  online gym?  it sounds preposterous.  and really it is. -  and one in art appreciation) and I'm already procrastinating on those assignments.  And why, you ask, why this procrastination?  Well, knowing me, I can find a large multitude of ways to procrastinate - I am an expert, after all, note the subject of this entry - but instead of procrastinating on homework by doing other useful stuff that I need to do instead (like, you know, clean my room, do my laundry, take a shower, get my life organized for school's start on Tuesday, figure out how to work my new cell phone - which is slightly less crappy than my old one . . . but only slightly, exercise (HA!), respond to my many e-mails just sitting in my inbox, cure world hunger, the list goes on and on...), I've been procrastinating on homework by doing something totally useless that will in no way benefit me [at any point in time] or benefit the rest of the world [at any point in time].

What was I doing?

I was reading (well, re-reading, which is even worse!) a Harry Potter fanfic.  

I know, sad, right?

Feel free to yell at me: KATE, WHAT ABOUT CLEANING YOUR ROOM?  WHAT ABOUT YOUR HOMEWORK?  HOMEWORK, YEAH, THAT'S A WORD YOU HAVEN'T USED IN AWHILE, EH?  YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, DON'T YOU?  IT'S A COMPOUND WORD?  MADE UP OF THE SHORT NOUNS 'HOME' AND 'WORK'?  MEANING WORK THAT YOU DO AT HOME?  ALSO MEANING A RIDICULOUS SATANIC, SADISTIC PLOT THOUGHT UP BY TEACHERS AROUND THE GLOBE TO TORTURE INNOCENT VICTIMIZED STUDENTS?  YEAH, THAT THING. ...  WHY WERE YOU READING HP FF WHEN YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DOING YOUR LAUNDRY?  OR RESPONDING TO E-MAILS?  OR CURING WORLD HUNGER?  HUH?  HUH?

(... ... And now that you've recovered from your brief Kate-induced caps-lock headache, continue reading.)

In case you haven't read it, incidentally, it's called "Commentarius," and it's So.  Bloody.  Awesome.  I.  Can't.  Even.  Describe.  I know most of you probably don't share my unhealthy Harry Potter obsession, but, I can guarantee, anyone (yes, anyone!) would love this fic.  Link here.

But, wait!  What am I doing?  I'm supposed to be a (somewhat) Kind, Compassionate, and Considerate friend!  And recommending that you read this incredibly good but incredibly long fic and waste away your hours like me is NOT very Kind, Compassionate, and Considerate of me, is it?  Because I do not want to breed anymore expert procrastinators like myself, no way.  ...  Although, it could be cool if I got loads of people to join the dark side (a.k.a. Procrastination), and we all wore those nifty 'Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow' shirts, and we had like this super-mega-awesome-army-of-procrastinators (ahem, I mean expert procrastinators), and basically we took over the world and ate cupcakes and just generally were lazy and procrastinated all the time?  Yep, that's what I thought: it would be beyond cool.

Wait.  No.  Muststoptheseevilthoughtsfromtakingovermybrain!  Because of the fact that I am a Kind, Compassionate, and Considerate friend, I strongly, strongly advise each and every one of you reading these words NOT (I repeat, NOT) to read Commentarius.  Not if you value your hours.  Or your life.  (I say 'life' because once you begin reading, you become hooked, and therefore you spend your whole day reading Commentarius nonstop, and therefore you procrastinate on whatever else it is you should be doing, and therefore you by default have to join my Army of Expert Procrastinators, and therefore you devote your life to my evil cause.  QED!)

(Unless of course you have already read that fic in the past, in which case, tally-ho!*, comment and let me know so we can giggle over Lily's crazy antics together like the blatant Marauder fangirls we {or at least I} are/am.)

Basically, let's just say that today has been a weird and generally unproductive day.  Although it did provide more than a few laughs:
01. Even though I shouldn't be telling you this (since you are NOT, I repeat you are NOT, to read this fic), Commentarius has more than its fair share of especially hilarious bits.  ... (And believe me, kids, I'm not trying to use reverse psychology on you here or anything like that to get you to read it.  I really mean it.  And I promise I wasn't being sarcastic when I just said that, either!  Since, you know, I usually am.  Sarcastic, that is.)
02. Today's my best friend's birthday, and I called her to wish her happy birthday and all, and basically all our conversations are hilarious.  But, again, this one had more than its fair share of especially hilarious bits.
03. My family is irrevocably, inexplicably (although maybe not, I'm thinking it's all in the DNA) insane.  But you all already knew that, didn't you?  It's just that I heard some pretty strange things today come out of the mouths of my dearest family members.  Not that I don't always.  Today was just especially odd.  

As such:
(here is a collection of random quotes said at various times throughout the day by my family.  In case you don't know who any of these names mean, see the entry before my last entry for a brief family profile.)

KEV: If you mush it all together, it looks just like Mount Everest!
(The object in question {meatloaf} did not, in fact, look at all like Mount Everest.  And, in any case, how would an eight-year-old boy know what Mount Everest looks like?  He's certainly never been there.)

E.T.O.A.M. (Evil Tormentor of a Mother - get used to this acronym, I use it quite often): Stop with the watermelon already, Kelly!
(Kelly happens to, in this cae, refer to my sister, Mach.  In other cases, it may refer to "annoying whiny brat" or "manipulative Disney Channel-whore".  Oh, wait, those cases are all the same.  Ha, funny, that.)

KEV: And then . . . I died.
(Do I even need to provide an explanation for this?  Nuh-uh, didn't think so.)

MACH: BEIJING JUST ALMOST ATE GRADY SIZEMORE THE FIFTEENTH!
(Er, yeah, bit of a funny story, this.  See, my sister just got a new hamster {oh, Mach and her hamster obsession.  It's absolutely freakish.} and couldn't decide what to name it, so somehow certain people in my family {cough} took to calling it Bejing?  Because the Olympics are going on there now?  Which I think is a perfectly insane way to name a hamster but, well, you know, it's my family.  What can one do?  ...  So, yeah, and Mach's also got to do this science project for 8th grade - I had to do it too when I went to that school - and for some reason, her project involves getting a bunch of worms - in this case, SIXTY.  SIXTY WORMS IN MY HOUSE. - and having them hang out in a big pile of dirt in my basement while they compost all our food remains that Mach tosses in there, and then seeing if plants grow better than normal in the reeking gunk.  I know, "Gosh," you're thinking.  "Gee, what a phenomenal idea for a project.  Who wouldn't want to live in a house with a bunch of worms, dirt, and rotting food?"  So, my psycho sister has apparently named all sixty of her worms and can apparently tell them all apart.  {...}  {I told you she was weird.}  And apparently she's named one Grady Sizemore the Fifteenth {I hope you're all with me in thinking, "???"}, and apparently Beijing the Adorable Hamster {Who Incidentally Escapes A Lot and Poops All Over the House} just almost ate Grady Sizemore the Fifteenth the Poor Unfortunate Worm!)

Oh, the high drama of my life!
/sarcasm

But, honestly, I'm sure that if you weren't already, you are by now convinced that my life is all a joke.  It is a ridiculous excuse for a life that is really all a sitcom TV show and is being subliminally sent into my brain while I am in a coma.  This coma has been brought on by the aliens who have kidnapped me and are currently holding me hostage in their UFO mothership, which oddly enough looks a lot like McDonalds.  (I have a bit of a McDonald's conspiracy theory thing, don't ask.)  None of this is real, because really, it's too laughable and pathetic to actually be my life.

OH BLOODY HELL.

I've just told you how I wasted my whole day procrastinating by reading Commentarius, and then what do I go and do?  Procrastinate a fair bit more by writing this whole entry explaining to you why I shouldn't be procrastinating!

You see?  YOU SEE?  My life is a joke!



*this entry's word (#2) in The Campaign for Jolly Good English.  No idea what "tally-ho" actually means, I think it's actually some sort of call to make foxes start running in fox-hunting?  (Not that I actually know what fox-hunting is.)  So I guess it just generally means, "Go on, then!"  In which case, I believe I have used it quite well in this entry considering the context and am well on my way to promoting the Campaign for Jolly Good English.

(Campaign stats: 2 down, 99 to go)

Right, so you're probably all going to think I have anger management issues.  I don't, promise!  I've just been . . . very indignant as of late.

So why am I angry (as per usual) today?

01. my mother grounded me (yes, grounded!) for forgetting to give my brother milk (yes, milk!) for lunch.
02. school starts soon: I have orientation on Friday and the first day is Tuesday.  UGH!  Obviously pretty much no one is happy about going back to school, but for me, it's like torture.  I have this disease, see...

 
Yeah, so I'm pretty much just angry at the world right now.  Although this venting has calmed me down a little.  I guess maybe it's just a lot of back-to-school stress and all the stuff I have to get done before then.  (I still haven't started my summer reading!  What is wrong with me?!  I've read soooo many books this summer, but not the books I actually have to read.)

Oh, and about the grounded/milk thing? 
So, yeah.  Basically I have a ridiculous life.  I promise a more cheerful entry soon, seriously.  So don't fear: if reading my rants isn't your cup of tea (and I can't imagine why it would be), happier times lie ahead!

(The scary thing is, that conversation with my mom wasn't even exaggerated at all.  Well, the Sparta thing may have been, but everything else was true, I swear.)

THEY EFFING POSTPONED THE RELEASE OF HBP!
UNTIL JULY EFFING 17TH, 2009!

http://mugglenet.com/app/news/full_story/1810

I feel like strangling someone, preferably Alan Horn or anyone else involved. 
hj';';l;a;dflg;l';a';kll;hye';tlaw';etlw';kg;lwkehl;henkal;jg;ahk

too angry for words right now.

 

...so she will do this fun little activity that's been going around LJ.

 Directions

1.Take 5 books off your bookshelf

2. Book 1 - first sentence

3. Book 2 - last sentence on page 50

4. Book 3 - second sentence on page 100

5. Book 4 - next to last sentence on page 150

6. Book 5 - final sentence of the book

7. Make the 5 sentences into a paragraph

Right, so, here we go!

(Most of these are books from when I was little.)

Francie Cavanaugh lay flat on her stomach on the top of the old sequoia stump.  A girl Fran recognized as being in one of the other sixth-grade rooms at school got up and self-consciously walked up the arched steps and onto the stage.  Blind Lemon Alley served the best burgers, wings, and ribs - their number-one favorite foodstuffs- they'd had anywhere.  Not that I believed in it - but as I stood with the burning candles in front of the mirror, my heart began to pound.  And by his side with his head up in the air and his eyes full of laughter walked as strongly and steadily as any boy in Yorkshire - Master Colin!

(By coincidence the girls in the first two books had the same name.)

(This paragraph is pretty random, doesn't make much sense...)

I'll do another one!

As soon as he was born, Mr. and Mrs. Canker knew that their baby was not like other people's children.  We could not get over their deaths.  So they went laughing to bed and lay listening to Pa and the fiddle singing...  She had wondered how she should answer it - how she could answer honestly without cruelly hurting the questioner.  And that's the view this week from the News desk.  

(Once again is pure gibberish.)

So I was just outside in my backyard with my little brother and generally acting like an idiot (when do I not?).  And just as I was dancing about like a madwoman with this orange thing whose purpose neither Kev (my brother) nor I could figure out, the beautiful boy who cuts my neighbor's lawn walks past in my neighbor's backyard.

As such:

KATIE: La, I am insane!  I am dancing about with a random orange object!
KEV: haha *eats poptart*
KATIE: Look, everyone, how insanely insane I am!  *thinks no one is looking*
BEAUTIFUL BOY: *walks past*
KATIE: *stops dancing and runs back to house*
KEV: *eats poptart*
KATIE: (whisper-yelling) DROP YOUR POPTART AND RUN!
KEV: *eats poptart*
KATIE: RUN RUN THE BRITISH ARE COMING
KEV: *eats poptart*
KATIE: *grabs, brother, poptart, and self (discards random orange thing) and transfers all into house*
KEV: *grabs poptart from his insane sister and continues to eat while staring at said insane sister like she is psychotic*
KATIE: I know, i know, I am psychotic.

BEAUTIFUL BOY: wtf these people have weird neighbors.

I am now hiding in my room in shame.  Oh, the shame!  I can never leave the house again!!!

(Now I must go get ready to leave for my friend's birthday party.  I will find a way to get there without leaving the house.  I will!  I will . . . apparate?  Floo there?  Must think on this.)

(If and when I leave the house I'll have to wear dark sunglasses and my wig (I only have one and it's a Snow White one from when I was five).  I shall wear this disguise for a minimum of five years, at which point Beautiful Boy will most likely have moved away to college or something.  And so will I!  Oh the beauty of life!)

(But what if we go to the same college?!)